Generally speaking, in relationships, women often focus on love, while men emphasise truth.  Can thie differences be healed?  Most often, when we hear talk of love it originates with women, while talk of truth comes from men.  If we think about it, love and truth are inseparable in order to amount to something:  truth without love is rigid and unacceptable, while love without truth amounts to nothing.

One could, thus, think of these two aspects of relationships men and women bring up by comparing them to a boat with love and truth as the two paddles. To row the boat in a particular direction neither of the two paddles can be ahead of the other, or the boat will move around and around in a circle.

Many relationships do move in endless circles and that shows that, most often, one paddle is ahead of the other.  I believe that this is due to our dualistic cultural paradigms. This dualistic way of perceiving the world means that we cannot focus on the balance of two aspects together in order to form harmony.  I believe this is the reason for the continued disharmony between the masculine and the feminine.

Women and men are socially conditioned differently and move out of balance and lose respect for the other gender.  Men are socialized to pursue truth like a mechanic looks for the faulty part in a car.  Women are conditioned to look for a ‘Disney’ like version of love and esthetics yet not look at the structures that uphold love.  Yet we are not as wise as the mechanic or the artist.

A good mechanic carefully maneuverers the screw gently and firmly in its place, while a careless mechanic may apply too much force, damage the threads and then try to bash the screw in with a hammer.  Similarly, a good artist will look at the composition of the canvas to see if it affects her colors, she will apply brush strokes in a specific way and understand the subtle messages these colors and brush strokes convey.

Relationships are both about painting love and reinforcing the truth that supports the love we want.  Without love truth cannot be heard:  it is demanding, unyielding, ungracious, and perfectionistic; it proclaims law and rules, demands rigidity and uniformity.  Such “truth” is devoid of Spirit and in being so it is false.

On the other hand, truth keeps love from being mushy sentimentality that runs like water without rising to amount to anything.  Love without truth is soft and pliable over-sweetness that does not provide anything substantial: it cries when it sees someone hurting but has nothing with which to pick them up.  It is useless.

Imagine again the love and truth paddles on our boat:  if one paddle is ahead of the other the boat spins in circles.  Many relationships are spinning in circles because of our dualistic understandings that emphasize looking at one aspect of life and not the other.

If the two paddles of a boat would be alive and could be hypnotized to believe that they are in competition then the boat would go in circles until they realize otherwise.  Our gender competitions are products of the hypnosis the matrix of dualistic understandings passes on in our societies.  Gender wars and couple infighting occur because both men and women see themselves going in circles, lose the sense of power over their own life and then blame the other… rather than blaming the dualistic cultural paradigm that robs them of a meaningful and harmonious life.

If a relationship spins in circles this is a clue that either the love or truth paddle is ahead of the other.  Then, one of the paddles must speed up or the other must slow down to make progress towards harmony and connection.  Isn’t this both love and truth? 

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